Mr Jones’ Diary

Thursday 27th February

Moving day tomorrow and I’m well excited! Can’t think why so many people make a fuss about moving house.  My mate Baz is lending his van to Ron from the darts team, and he’s coming round at eight tomorrow morning to move all our stuff.  Sorted!  Mind you, you’d think the missus’d be a bit more pleased about it… says she wants to use a ‘proper’ moving service. ‘A man with a van’, she says. I told her, I said, ‘We don’t need to pay a fortune for moving expenses. Ron’ll see us right. Just you see.’

Friday 28th February 2013


OK, so Ron is a bit late. No need for Mrs Jones to get in such a flap. I mean, it was a heavy night down the White Horse last night and Ron can’t take his booze how he used to. Anyway, he’s doing this for practically nothing. We’ll save a fortune on moving costs!


Here he is! I knew he wouldn’t let us down.  I’ll just go and help him reverse onto the … oh @*$#! Right over the kids’ bikes!


I’m sure he’ll make a start once his finished his fourth cup of tea …


Right, so Ron has a bad back and can’t lift heavy loads.  I’m trying really hard not to make eye contact with the missus in case I’m struck down by the look of death.

Still, we’re saving a fortune on moving expenses!


What brain-dead idiot put that heavy box of books on top of the crystal glasses? Oh, sorry Ron – didn’t see you there. No, no. It was an easy mistake…


Right, my car’s loaded up with stuff and so’s the wife’s. No room for the kids. I told them they could cycle to the new house but … well … y’know.

Anyway, it’s going to take several journeys to get it all moved and the Smiths, who’re waiting to move in, are getting well narky. Mrs Jones says they’ve booked a ‘proper’ removals company…. Cambridge Van Man. Pah! What can he do that we can’t? Bet he charges a fortune as well. Not like good ol’ Ron, hey?

Hey, Ron! Mind the … gate.


Well, just one more journey each for me and the wife and then it’s all done. Brilliant! Soon we’ll be able to unpack all our bits and bobs and really feel at home. Sorted!


Time for a beer, I think. Ron’s gone and the wife is sorting out the stuff. She’s well arsey, though, ‘cos apparently all the plates and cutlery are in a box somewhere, but not in the kitchen. There’s only ten rooms, not including the garage, so it shouldn’t take her long to track ‘em down. Wish she’d stop slagging Ron off, though. Such a mate, he is – helping us out like that. Saved us a fortune in moving expenses!


That Ron is an absolute @*£$! Where the £@#$ did he put my beers?

Two weeks later …

Right, that’s it! I’m never speaking to Ron or Baz again!

I’ve only been shafted with an invoice from Baz charging hundreds of pounds more he said ‘cos that bozo Ron went and crashed the van after helping me!

And on top of that, there’s a smashed crystal vase, crushed bikes and the repair on the gate at our last place ‘cos Ron’s not insured to do removals. What a swizz!

I wish I’d used a ‘proper’ removals company like Cambridge Van Man Removals! I’d have saved a fortune…


All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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